Cheese, everywhere, this week

I mean, so far, the chat-up lines I've been getting have been eye wateringly savage.

We've had Lovely Girls look at me, laugh and some even look for the nearest exit when I've put some of the wingmen of Ireland's finest to the test.

That's why this weeks winner fills me with equal measure of dread and hope. Andrew Ricci from Malahide gives me this stinker:

'What is a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?'

Andrew, all I can say is that if the don't fall for this they're obviously immune to high powered cheesiness.

Well done sir, and a box of Tayto is currently be prepared for your enjoyment.

There's obviously something in the water of in County Cork - obviously a county full of charmers, even the Lovely Girls - because this weeks 'Spud Stud' is really a lady.

Sonya Marshal from Cobh sent me through this ripe chat up line that would surely stun a lovely girl or spud stud in there tracks:

'is there an airport around here or is that my heart taking off'

Sometimes you come across something so cheesy it actually brings tears to your eyes.

And coming as it does from my first female wing man I might just use it tonight!

Well done Sonya, box of Tayto goodies are on their way.

I was out with the lads during the week and we were looking through the Cheesy Chat up lines over a bottle of Red Lemonade and a multi pack of Cheese and Onion (or two)and basically wondering how any Lovely Girl in Ireland could say no to any Spud Stud who brings lines like this:

'Your eyes are the same colour as my porsche!'

I mean, come on! Phew!

That's a total winner! And it comes from Karl Mullins from Carlow. Brilliant stuff Karl - I'm getting my people to goody you up!

Keep' em coming lads.

You know, it's not EASI being SINGLE.

Especially, yesterday, on the feast day of love but thanks to my wingman Niall Mullins from Carlow and this dollop of cheese that would make a cow blush, my days of being single are surely numbered...

'Me, Tarzan. You, lucky'

Seriously girls, spend more than a nano second on the company of this SLICE of jungle inspired pongy prose and you'll be weak at the knees, literally!!

And then you may need resuscitation (which will require a visit from Dr. Mr .Tayto - another talent of mine, but I don't like to boast).

Thanks Niall, you really are the cheese!!

Well, we all know Ireland has a rich literary heritage (James Joyce, Samuel Beckett, the guy who writes the ingredients on my Salt and Vinegar packets) and judging by the below, the Wingmen of Ireland today have a keen love of the poetic.

This weeks master of cheesiness, Cormac Dullaghan from Meath, lent me this passion infused one liner that WB Yeats would've been proud of...

'You must be the reason for global warming, because you're so hot!'

I mean it lads, even Leopold Bloom himself wouldn't of been able to stomach this slice of pure, nuclear, Gorgonzola.

Thanks, Cormac, some Tayto goodies are on their way.

I asked him to keep it simple. Play to my strengths I said. He replied 'You're a Potato'. And we took it from there.

My good pal, Louis Copeland and professional lovely girl Ruth, getting the measure of the most eligible  and edible bachelor in Ireland (that's me apparently).

Of course, the sophisticated folks out there know that there's nothing tastier than a juicy potato in a 'jacket' and thanks to Louis, I look the part.

They are getting riper by the week lads, seriously  cheesy, even a few ladies
have emparted their tastiest lines to me.

But not all lines bring a smile to my face – this weeks Grande Fromage
has to be the effort of Mathew Lynch  from Meath who spreads it thick and fast with:

"Can I have your picture? Cos I'll want to know I wasn't dreaming tomorrow...'

A line that would melt a lovely girls wellies at a hundred yards with it’s
mighty pong.

Stand up Matthew – you’re this weeks Cheesiest. And remember with great power
comes great responsibility.

A box of Cheese and Onion is on it’s way.

Being one of the most eligible bachelor’s of this fair land, you’d expect me to be fighting off the fairer sex with a very long stick, but surprisingly that is not the case. Oh the ladies aren’t immune to my charms, but I find when I’m faced with a pretty cailin, I get a little tongue-tied. I’m a bit rusty when it comes to the old romance.

Thanksfully though, enough ‘Spud Studs’ have answered the call and very kindly lent me their best and, let’s be honest lads, their cheesiest chat up lines. I’ve already started testing them out on the lovely ladies of Ireland, I’ll report back on my success on that front later.

The cheesiest line this week has come from Mark Cronly, in Kildare. This silver tongued Casanova obviously knocks the ladies dead with the pungent cheese odour of lines like these…                                

"If you were a burger at McDonalds, you'd be a McGorgeous"

Seriously Mark, there’s cheesy and then there’s cheesy - like a Cheese Maker stuck indoors on a hot day.

Fair play Mark, a box of my finest Cheese and Onion is winging its way to you!

They always said I had 'Star' quality, but this wasn't what I had in mind!!!!

Just click on the image to read all about it!

 

I’ve decided to share my thoughts on the perfect woman for me.

Well first off, she’ll have to be a solid girl, beef to the heel type, you know? She should be down to earth, have a good sense of humour and a love of music. I’m not at all opposed to a woman who wears trousers, it shows a certain level of sophistication in my mind.

Speaking of sophistication she’d have to be one that enjoys the finer things in life, like a rainy afternoon knee deep in mud at the ploughing championships eating crisp sandwiches - sort of like the amazing Lucy Kennedy would!

Now I love a woman who looks good in a pair of wellies, but looks aren’t everything, she’d want some brains too. I mean she’d definitely have to know the business end of a heifer.

Au revoir,

Mr Tayto.